Battle of the Brothers
Scene: Arjuna and Karna meet in the middle of a clearing. All fighting between their respective armies has ceased.
ARJUNA- Karna, this fighting is senseless. Let us settle this battle ourselves; there is no need to endanger the lives of others in order for us to solve our own issues with each other.
KARNA- It shall be so.
The skilled warriors consulted with brahmins and other holy men on how they should proceed, and the following rules were established:
1. Celestial weapons and other boons of the gods would not be allowed.
2. Each participant would only be allowed a single weapon of their own choosing.
3. Each participant would be outfitted with the same basic armor.
4. The duel would be over when one participant either conceded or died. There would be no other way for the duel to conclude.
5. Victory in this skirmish would mean victory in the war.
6. By the powers of the gods, the terrain would change at different intervals in order to ensure that neither participant was given an advantage.
7. Violation of these guidelines in any way would anger the gods to such an extent that the individual would be condemned to never ascend to the heavens.
With the rules in place, each of the warriors drew their weapon. Arjuna, to the surprise of no man, drew his bow to do battle with his brother. Karna drew his sword. Everyone else drew a deep breath, silently praying to anyone that would listen.
A brahmin drew a circle around Arjuna and Karna, and with the clap of Krishna’s hands, the circle became a jungle.
The warriors began.
Arjuna quickly scaled a tree, firing volley after volley. Karna, moving with an almost inhuman speed, easily avoided the deadly darts and bided his time in the brush.
The circle became a desert.
Unhindered by trees and plants, Karna came charging at Arjuna with his full force, while Arjuna fired a single, solitary arrow into Karna’s shoulder. Karna felt a searing pain, but was otherwise unperturbed. When he finally reached Arjuna, he swung desperately and was able to slice off Arjuna's legs.
The circle became an ocean.
Bleeding out from his midsection, Arjuna used his arms to recover some seaweed that he proceeded to wrap around his wound in order to stem the flow of the bleeding. As he did this, he observed that Karna was drowning. Arjuna fired more arrows, albeit imprecisely due to his precarious position, and was able to hit both of Karna’s hands.
The circle became a field.
Karna, now unable to wield his sword, ran straight at Arjuna with murderous intent. Before he was able to reach him, however, Arjuna fired a few more arrows into Karna that prevented Karna from using his arms at all (Arjuna was a master of pressure points). Karna ultimately fell at Arjuna’s side, but not before kicking his arms so hard that they broke. Fully incapacitated and close to totally decapitated, both participants merely lay there until their wounds bled out and they moved on to the next life. The war was over. No one had won, but it was over. There was no celebrating, no singing; both sides had lost a valued and strong leader. The armies solemnly took the bodies and burned them with the dignity due to a ruler. There was much to do in the coming weeks, but this, this was a time for mourning.
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| Arjuna and Karna Battle Source: Flickr |
Author’s Note-
14 comments:
How so beautifully written! Another one of my favorite battles: the battle between Karna and Arjuna. You wrote it extremely well. I liked how you wrote the setting at the story. It helped me to picture what was going on and where. Very nicely written!
Great writing again. This part of the Mahabharata also fascinated me, so I'm glad you decided to write about it. I particularly love how Krishna is able to change the setting so dramatically. Your ending is great and presents a more realistic outcome. However, in both your story and the original, their feud seems to end so quickly which makes their rivalry seem even more petty.
Jake, the last sentence of your author’s note for this week is so incredibly true. Why do we have stories about heroes who always seem to win? That’s not how life is, and while I think art has the ability to express things that transcend ordinary life, what’s more profound than examining the battle strategy of a real hero- a hero that doesn’t always win, even if he or she works hard and makes all of the right decisions that should lead to a successful outcome? That’s a story I’d like to read about! Unfortunately, I find the majority of those stories to be autobiographies rather than works of fiction. And don’t get me wrong, some of my favorite books are autobiographies that detail the successes and failures of someone dealt a bad hand. But, I want to see some variation in the outcome of an epic, not just some epic about a hero that wins despite his shortcomings, and not just a tragedy about some tragic hero who is unable to overcome those same shortcomings. I want to see an epic that chronicles the life of that hero as a normal person dealt a set of circumstances and how he or she learns through successes and failures of their own to grow into the hero they need to be in order to escape those circumstances or overcome their struggles. OK. Sorry for the rant. This is some really amazing writing. You did a fantastic job and I love what you did with the structure of the story (especially the intermittent short sentences to set the stage). I always love reading your stories! They inspire me to put more thought into my own writing so that I can convey my message as effectively as you do. Great work!
Hi Jake! I always love when I get to read your writings! This was a very interesting way to rewrite this story. I also wonder why they needed to have many people fight when in the end it would end up just between the two of them. It's almost as if the brothers were modern teenage brothers needing to have a little fight with one another to get their problems situated. I also liked how you listed out the rules that they were to follow during their fight. It made it almost feel as if you were there taking part in the whole event. As I was reading, I wonder what happened after the fight. Were people upset? Were they happy? What did they do once they all left? It would be great to have a little more detail in regards to after the fight. Overall, very fun story to read!
You are so talented. I read your other story one of the other weeks and truly loved it so I chose to read another one of yours this week! You really have a gift for writing. I like how the terrain changed every so often, it sort of reminded me of the hunger games for some reason. I guess just how they were trapped in that bubbled and force to fight till the last one was standing. Also in your author's note, I agree with you, I don't understand either why other's make people fight for them. It is truly infuriating. Also I loved how you said "If art imitates life, then we should be telling stories where the person with the moral high-ground only wins some of the time." you are so right. Life isn't always rainbows and unicorns and I appreciate you being real in your stories. Wonderful job!
I love your take on this story! I agree; why all this unnecessary violence and bloodshed if it's just going to come down to this final showdown anyway? I also really love how you wrote it in the form of a play (or script) at the beginning! It's very different from the other stories I've read and I like it! I also like how the terrain changes were shown and really impacted who got the upper hand. The ending was very nice as well because it really hit home how many good people either side lost and how sad it truly was. You kind of drop the whole script thing halfway through but I think it would be kinda cool if you continued it! Might be a little difficult though, but it would be more consistent. Either way, I really like this story and can't wait to read some more by you!
P.S. I just have to say that I absolutely love your take on Ravana and Rama and that it would have been so great if that's what had happened.
I love to read battle stories. They always end in such a manner that is so epic. This story was anything but. I love the way the two set up rules, this is something new I haven't seen yet. Keep up with writing with new flare. I found barely any grammatical errors in the story. Just this sentence; I was thinking you could fix it up a bit. From "Arjuna fired more arrows, albeit imprecisely due to his precarious position, and was able to hit both of Karna’s hands." to "Arjuna fired more arrows, albeit imprecisely due to his precarious position was able to hit both of Karna’s hands." In my opinion the "and" is unnecessary. Also I think the second comma in "Karna, now unable to wield his sword, ran straight at Arjuna with murderous intent. " can be taken out. Maybe change the following sentence to "Fully incapacitated and close to total decapitation, both participants merely lay there until their wounds bled out and they moved on to the next life."
I really enjoyed reading this story. I have found out that I love reading about the battles tories and the ending to the battles. I liked how the rules were set out early between the two. As the reader, I enjoyed reading that. In your author's note, I really agree with you about why people always have others fight for them. It is something that is interesting to think about and how many times it has happened in the past. I loved how you incorporated the short sentences to set the stages. That is the first time I have seen that writing strategy and it is something I will look into doing. I really liked the script and dialogue that you had going on in the beginning of the story and would like to see that continue throughout the story. I really enjoyed reading your story and look forward to reading more! Your writing skills and styles have given me more ideas for my own writing. Great work!
I enjoyed this story quite a bit. You've done some very interesting things with the source material. How'd you come up with the idea? I really enjoy reading battle stories like this but so often they're either undramatic and flat or just far too over the top. This one was a pretty solid medium so well done. I found the motivations you used very interesting too and I really agree with the ideas behind the piece. Using the short and simple sentence structure really helps give a very fast paced and almost choppy feel that really pulls the reader in. I would definitely consider trying it since so many of my stories end up with these long and convoluted sentences that really don't add anything at all. When and if you go back to revise this, I'd consider adding a bit more details to it to really flesh it out and let the reader see exactly what you're describing. Otherwise, great job here and good luck with any and all revisions!
I kind of had the same thoughts as you, Jake when I read the battle scene between Arjuna and Karna. I thought, they just had this gigantic battle, who knows how many people died and then they wind up just battling themselves?!
The layout of your story makes it easy to follow which is nice.
--> "..silently praying to anyone that would listen".
Here I think it might sound better if you use "...silently praying to any of the gods that would listen".
Because of course it would be the immortals that would answer their prayers. It is also kind of funny you say this because it clearly states in the rules the gods will not intervene. Even in times like that though, people need an outlet for hope.
I would also suggest maybe telling more about the original story in the author's note section. It might be difficult for someone who has never read the story to see where you were coming from when writing your new version.
Hi Jake! I always wondered why people did not solve their problems this way to begin with. This never made any sense to me. Two people have a problem with each other but instead of those two fighting they involve their kingdoms and hundreds of thousands of people to solve their problem. You get so many people killed when all of this could have been avoided if those two would have fought in the first place. I really liked how you only made it about the two and solved everything.
Hi again Jake! I decided to re-read your story for some extra commenting this week. As I was re-reading, I remembered how much I love your writing style. You always write with comedy and ease. I also really like that you've included a song with your story. It really adds to the story and makes it that much better. I also really liked the detail you put about the song in the author's note!
I am incredibly impressed by how you turned this into a play! I haven't ever seen anyone do that in this class or the myth and folklore class and I think it is so unique! It makes it a little different when following through the story but it is kind of cool! I found it easier to follow and figure out what was going on. Even with the small details, the way you set it up really allowed for some great understanding and depth from the play. Also, the song you added at the end is one of my favorite songs and Florence and the Machine is one of my favorite bands. I am planning on going and reading some of your other stories now! I don't remember if I've read any of the others, sorry... but I bet they are just as kick butt as this one!! Great job again and best of luck in the rest of your studies!
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